Counting My Blessings

I never really talk about my job, mostly because it’s a job that pays the bills…  When I was younger, I thought that getting a college degree led to a career where I would wake up every morning excited to begin my day at work.  Now, I know that I am the one that chooses whether to smile when I begin my day or pout in disappointment.  This week am smiling because every January in the mortgage business things slow down due to the holidays and usually there are layoffs.  This January, due to the anticipation of home values going up, my company had mass layoffs where every department has felt the effects.  I am blessed that I made the cut, but was sadden to see many friends go.  This job was a blessing, after a year of not being able to work when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder this job was an answer to a prayer.  I remember that I was really depressed because I was just getting by with my unemployment checks and had gone to multiple unfruitful interviews after I got the greenlight from my doctor.  Feeling so utterly defeated I scheduled an appointment to speak with a priest.  That conversation really changed my life in terms of the power of prayer. 

“Penny," he said, "you have been sending out your resume, going to interviews, following up on leads.  You have been doing your part, now let God do His.  I want you to go home and talk to God and ask Him in great detail what you want. Go crazy and even ask Him for the salary you think you need.  Keep doing your part and wait for His answer.  Also, to fight those feelings of unworthiness I want you to take the next volunteer opportunity and help people that are in more need than you.  Depression sometimes is about getting too focused on self, about what I need, what I lack, me, me, me.  Spend this time serving your neighbor.”

I talked to many priests before him, but this one spoke to me in a language I understood.  I went home that day with a plan.  First, I spoke with God. I still remember the exact prayer, “Lord, I need a job.  One with a kind supervisor who will be ok with me taking time to go to doctor appointments, one with a set schedule (routine is important for people with mental disabilities), where I make this amount and please let the job come before the end of the year.”  I continued to send resumes and became the activities coordinator for Saint Francis Senior Home while also volunteered feeding the homeless.  These two volunteer positions taught me that I was blessed because I had a home and people who love me.  With the homeless I saw hundreds of people in the streets hungry and desolate.  At the senior home I saw abandoned, forgotten women.  The big lesson was that even when I feel like I have nothing to give, God can use me to bless others.  In December, I received a call from my current company asking me to begin on December thirtieth, making the exact salary I had asked God for and with the kindest VP.  My prayer was answered to the nose.  I remember hanging up that phone with unbelief that my prayer had been answered so precisely.  Since, I have moved to different departments always for a better opportunity and my job has become a blessing.  I wake up maybe not excited to go to the office, but definitely blessed that I have a place where I can make a decent living (smile).