I was
driving home from my class last night feeling quite downcast, because this has
been my most challenging course so far! I try really hard to not be a critical person,
but to see the good not only in people, but in art, literature… society. Yet, for this class Father wants us to be
really critical with the material we read, and last night I felt like such a protestant! Until last night I didn’t realize how much of
my Christian understanding is from outside Catholic understanding. Those years that I spent in non-Catholic
churches I read a lot of their theology because I am a bookworm. To this day, I know some of the best Christian
(non-Catholic) theologians because I read their stuff. Eventually I want to give you guys a tour of
our new Diocese, it used to be this huge mega church that went bankrupt and
which was purchased by our Catholic Church.
The founder Robert Schuller wrote many, many books- I think I owned most
of them at one point. I also attended
Rick Warren’s (the man who wrote the hot selling, Purpose Driven Life book)
mega church and read some of his books, as well as participated in some of his
led bible studies. In addition, every
day on my way from work I would listen to Chuck Smith’s “Pastor’s Perspective”
on the radio and read many of his books…
The legendary Billy Graham, check, read his books. The Case for Christ, written by Lee
Strobel, gave my faith wings and I hungrily consumed all of his books… So, there I was driving home last night
thinking how much I have been affected by my past formation in non-Catholic
theology and how screwed I felt by it because I can’t differentiate between Catholic
Church teaching and protestant theology (most of the time) and I wanted to cry. I turned off the radio and began a
conversation with God on the verge of tears, and then a thought came to mind
that gave me so much peace, God is so
good! I realized that my experience in
the many different mega churches and understanding of their Christian perspective
gives me an understanding that a cradle Catholic will not have. This experience can help me better relate and
reach a population that like me wasn’t Catholic at all times in their life.
“My little
lamb,” God said (He always calls me His little lamb), “don’t fret, am I not the
God who never wastes a hurt? Am I not
the God who uses affliction for a greater good?”
“Yep,” I
answered, “You are the God that works all things together for the good of those
who love You.”
The problem
hasn’t been corrected, I still have to write a five to ten page paper using
critical analysis of my reading to pass the course. I still need to start shifting my theology
into Catholic and non-Catholic categories.
I still need to face those feelings of confusion and dread and replace
them with a new, clear Catholic perspective.
There’s much work to be done, but I am willing and God is willing to be
with me every step of the way… If God
takes me the way I am and sees so much potential than I too need to be merciful
with myself... When I came back to the
Catholic Church a group of us were having an animated discussion about
contraception- and I shared my thoughts on the subject (which at the time were
a confused mess) and a woman turned against me and berated me telling me that I
couldn’t not be Catholic and believe what I did. She refused to hear me out and just kept
repeating, “you are not Catholic!” Which
instead of help me listen to her views only made me angry. Later she sent me an email and told me, that
she was sorry that she had reacted the way she did, but she came to an
understanding that people are at different levels spiritually and that I was
young and naïve and still not at her level.”
Great apology right? Any who-
that memory came back, because I was afraid of being rejected because I am a
convert (in a way)- and I am still in the process of conversion. It’s challenging for me to identify Catholic theology
from other Christian thought. Maybe I am
at a lower level spiritually, but even at this lower level God is with me-
guiding and encouraging me to travel the path together- to go the distance- And
that makes all the difference, “juntos.”
On a side note, isn't my vintage necklace super cool! It's a hand stitched silhouette of a lady.
And the reverse side is a mirror, which comes handy when replying lipstick! :)
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