Your Christian Vocation

Yesterday morning was challenging, I got a new project and half way through it I realized that I had done it all wrong.  I misread the instructions so I had to start over midday and the project was due later that afternoon.  Usually while I work I listen to music or a spiritual talk to drown out the office noise and I was listening to a protestant preacher speak on a topic that I can’t quite remember, but she went on some rant (unrelated to her talk) about putting yourself out there to find your spouse.  She said that when she was looking for her spouse she would parade the isles of Home Depot!  Her take on things was that just as you would go out looking for a job and not wait at home for it to find you- you had to employ the same tactic to your spousal search. I recall feeling really depressed because her rant made me feel like I am in charge of finding my spouse and if I haven’t found him it’s my fault because I am not putting myself out there enough.  Some days I am hyper sensitive and her words really had a negative effect.  I couldn’t shake the idea that I was to blame for being single (as if being single is the worst state one could be).  As I drove home from work I started talking to God about the things going on in my mind and by the time I got home I was so exhausted that I laid on my bed for a while getting more and more depressed.  So, I picked a book from my bedside to distract myself and just randomly opened it.  It fell open to a chapter on discovering your vocation.  I hadn’t even read two sentences when I knew that God was speaking to me.  It’s so lovely when God speaks to us right after we seek Him in our troublesome times.

Sometimes I get really fearful of wasting my life. I am very aware that I only have one life and I like living it with passion and intentionality.  In matters of the heart I am especially vulnerable and fearful that I am wasting my time or am not trying hard enough.  Thus, when I heard this preacher suggesting I parade myself down Home Depot and that I am to blame for my single status in life I was devastated because in a way she’s right and I like to take responsibility for my life.  If we are single and God has shown us through a deep desire in our hearts that marriage is what He wants for us then we should be out there helping God place our spouse in our lives.  We should go to youth events, prayer groups, retreats, pilgrimages, use dating websites etc. We should place ourselves in an environment that facilitates God’s work in sending us our spouse (smile).  Yet, I am shy and an introvert and unless God changes me a great deal I don’t think that parading myself down a home improvement store is going to help.  We do have some responsibility when it comes to looking for a spouse in addition to socializing with other Catholics, we should enrich our prayer life; nourish our spiritual life through spiritual reading and joining a group that encourages our faith and helps us be part of Catholic community; have a spiritual director or friend who we can talk to when the going gets tough; and grow in holiness.  All of these responsibilities are part of being a Christian and above any vocation (since our baptism) we are all called to live out daily our Christian vocation!  “If we die young, or we don’t discover a more specific Christian vocation, then we should not feel we have wasted our life, or that our life is unfinished or unfulfilled.”  That’s the second sentence I read yesterday that just had me smiling from ear to ear, because God couldn’t have spoken more clearly to this fool! 

When I was in my college years I used to worry about my career of making the right choices to place me in my dream job.  I felt like if I didn’t choose correctly I would go down the wrong path.  I studied to teach High School English and now I work in the mortgage industry!  Has my life been a waste because I studied for one thing and am currently working in a quite different field? No.  I love working in an office setting with adults and not having to deal with parents (smile)… I have this great fear since my brother passed of wasting my life so am very determined and intentional in living and I think we should all live our lives with joy and purpose; but, we need to let go of fears that arise from not reaching a goal or a status in life.  We need to remember that our duty is to live out our Christian vocation one day at a time and live it for Christ and His glory.  After all His plans are not our plans- and thus even if we are not where we think we should be we must accept that we are right were God wants us to be (smile).  Give Him your life:  “I am complete Yours, I give You everything; I will do whatever You ask of me, I will let go of my fears and doubts.  Show me Your will, and I will follow it I am Yours.” And trust completely that He will provide.