Friday, August 2, 2013

The Hour I First Believed…


The first time you lose someone you love, the world stops & instantaneously changes.  The truth you once believed  (that same truth that helped you confuse over-zealous Christians, and gave you the fire to convince people that Darwin had killed God & that Nietzsche famously informed the rest of the world that God was dead) suddenly gets personal  & challenged.  It’s as if the person you were before your loved one died - died along with him.  And left is the you without him and this new you is left behind trying to figure out why death doesn’t feel natural.   And you start to think that Nietzsche is right that religion is for the weak, because at this moment of terrible vulnerability you need God to be real, you need heaven to be real, you need life after death to be real because there is no way you will survive if these truths are false.

My best friend died, my beloved brother in 2004.  He was Schizophrenic and I slowly watched him die to the disease until eventually he was no longer himself, and as he took his last breaths in a sterile hospital room I bargained with God outside in an overcrowded parking lot, “Lord if you accept him in heaven, I will follow you…”   That was the first time that God spoke to me, His voice was the wind and the wind wrapped me an all-consuming embrace that brought celestial peace and I knew right then that God was real.   


My heart and my soul knew He was real; but, my mind needed a few years to catch-up.  As a last promise to my brother (who loved God) I threw myself into investigating God, His claims, His words, His followers to attain tangible evidence that He is indeed real. Today, I believe by faith that He is real (there’s plenty of scientific & historical evidence that point to a creator) and that His true followers aren’t brainless sheep (as Nietzsche described them ) but exceptional, intelligent  human beings. 

I live my life today as follows; "I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, Than to live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is."

A great read for inspiration. 

2 comments:

  1. <3!! sorry im commenting a lot, but this entry is too pretty not to write anything. i am so glad that God took you in at the most perfect moment, to strengthen you when you needed Him the most. God is good :)

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  2. God is always on time that's for sure.

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